~King of Nothing~

Gay/Straight

Sun, 13 May 2012 19:39:58 -0400

I haven’t thought about this in a very long time, but circumstances that have arose have made me wonder, think. Would it have just been way easier to have been born straight rather then gay? Don’t get me wrong I’m happy with who I am and I would never would want to change any of the experiences that have made me the person I am. I am just wondering and pondering at the moment. Would being straight mean been happier or is it just a state of mind? Being straight you wouldn’t be questioned why you love that one special person. Or have to think about how you would have kids.

I know Straight/Gay will always have a lot of the same issues and problems in relationships. We will argue about all the same things and have the same insecurities. It’s human nature to feel the way we feel about situations we are placed in. We all fight about; money, friends, family and people in general. Sometimes our jealousy will get to us and we will fight and argue about that. But in the end of the day we are all the same in love and scared to lose that one person that makes us crazy about them.

So I ask you if you could choose what sexual orientation you could be would you? Or would you just be happy the way you were born? I mean you can’t really choose who to fall in love with. Or who you want to spend your life with. Ok, you can choose who you spend your life with but 99% of the time it’s going to be with tat one person you love more then anything in the world.

So why is it so hard sometimes being in a relationship with someone? I know if it was easy everyone would be with someone. And sometimes the hardest things are the best things to fight for. But how hard do you fight for something when sometimes its just one person doing the fighting.

So I ask you is every relationship worth fighting for when you both aren’t on the same page? Or do you let your heart decide and shut your brain? Or do you listen to your brain and shut your feelings in your heart?

“You may feel as though you know your partner quite well — maybe too well… but...

Fri, 11 May 2012 22:13:56 -0400

“You may feel as though you know your partner quite well — maybe too well… but you’d be surprise at what you don’t know”

Dr. Phil

Ain’t that the TRUTH!!

Fri, 11 May 2012 17:38:06 -0400

Ain’t that the TRUTH!!

Photo

Fri, 11 May 2012 17:36:03 -0400

Sometimes I wonder what’s the point of it all. Why is it...

Thu, 10 May 2012 20:39:45 -0400

Sometimes I wonder what’s the point of it all. Why is it that we are always perusing happiness instead of just letting it come to us? Are we just that desperate to find happiness? And when we do find it then what? Are we satisfied or are we still searching for more happiness? Can you be happy in all aspects of life? Work? Friends? Family? Relationship? Or is it all just an illusion we all try to reach for? So many questions with so many little answers.

And why is it that we rely on someone else or something else to make us happy. Is that one person going to always make you happy or that something gonna bring you the happiness you are looking for? No! You have to make yourself happy, you have to find that one thing that makes you happy. But what is it? We all want to be loved and want to love to the fullest. Meshing our goals and dreams while keeping our individuality. You can keep your dreams and goals I’ll just be your number one fan and supporter. Why is it that sometimes one feels like you have to loose what you dream of because you are in a relationship? Can’t we just be happy for each other and support one another’s dreams and goals? Or is that too much to ask for?

Recently I have realized that I’ve been feeling more and more depressed then ever. The friends I had/have don’t speak as often as we used too. We all have our own lives to life and our own issues or drama or just things in particular that we can’t always be there for one another, but that doesn’t mean we don’t think of them when we get a moment of peace from our hectic lives. The job that I had I miss my old coworkers, and they’re crazy antics, their loud mouth drama and funny stories. What used to make me happy no longer makes me happy, is this because it’s getting old or boring or is it that I’m growing up? Shopping used to make me happy, if it was shopping for clothes or groceries, now it seems that it’s become more of an annoyance. Or maybe it’s the fact that I can’t stand people and their wild kids running a muck in the stores. Or the fact that I start getting panic attacks or claustrophobic or just anxious with my surroundings. Maybe I’m just getting older and turning into one of those grumpy old men. Or is it that my patients have diminished?

Whatever it is it’s freaking annoying. The other day I went to the pool only to feel even more alone. My apartment which used to be my save haven has turned into my solitude. Am I just going in a downward spiral into my own demise? Sometimes I feel so alone, that all I want to do is escape by going to sleep. Sometimes I force myself to go to sleep by taking sleep aids to knock me out. That and a hot shower usually work to get me through my nights.

Don’t get me wrong I am happy; I am surrounded by a great caring family who is there no matter what decisions I make. Friends who are both supportive and tell me how it is. Even though I don’t want to hear it. A boyfriend who is supportive. But some how I feel sometimes that all this isn’t enough any more.

I just don’t know what’s going on right now. All I want is to be completely happy, but how does one find that happiness?

Photo

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 01:38:27 -0400

1st day

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 18:02:51 -0400

So today was my first day at my new job, and as much as I was excited I was also terrified. I had been on “vacation” for about 6 months and yeah it got a little scary cuz I couldn’t find a job it was nice been able to just do and go wherever whenever I wanted. Now I have to wake up at 5:45am to be at work at 7am-4pm while I am in training cuz that’s my trainers schedule. As much as I love been able to get off at 4pm and enjoy the rest of my day, I am super duper tired.

My day today was both great and exhausting! Exhausting because its only the first day and I have already accumulated 8.5 pages of notes. The lady who is training me is really nice and has great patience. I’m a fast learner, but this job is going to take me a few to get used to all the procedures I have to do. I can say its not that bad though, yeah it will probably make a few mistakes but my boss seems very cool. She kinda reminds me of my previous boss.

Now my co-workers I’m going to say are mixture of personalities. I know that in every work place there are different types of personalities and I’m ok with that. But at this place its going to be very interesting. I know there is already one of the ladies I know I am going to get along with, she is crazy and way too funny!! The guy that is in my team…..mmmm…that’s going to be a challenge. He seems kinda um how do I put this nicely…stuck up?

But we shall see tomorrow how things go…..so far I like it so we shall see how the rest of the week goes.

My ideal bedroom, one day!

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 16:49:15 -0400

My ideal bedroom, one day!

My favorite DC characters…..

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 15:18:53 -0400

My favorite DC characters…..

A broken heart is always hard to mend and even though scars are...

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 12:46:00 -0400

A broken heart is always hard to mend and even though scars are left it will always find a way to heal.

Forbidden Love…

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 02:00:21 -0400

Forbidden Love…

Can’t wait for Lifeproof to finally come out with the case...

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 17:29:59 -0400

Can’t wait for Lifeproof to finally come out with the case for the iPad2. YAY!! Now I can go swimming and listen to music or I can do it with my iPhone at the moment but how awesome would it be to have the iPad waterproof.

Jessie J - Laserlight ft. David Guetta (by JessieJVEVO)

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 16:25:15 -0400

Jessie J - Laserlight ft. David Guetta (by JessieJVEVO)

New do (Taken with instagram)

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 15:44:36 -0400

New do (Taken with instagram)

Love the song, especially the meaning behind...

Sat, 07 Apr 2012 13:15:00 -0400

Love the song, especially the meaning behind it…..

“Young Forever”

I used to think that we’d run away
Whenever, pretty summer day
I remember when you would say
“Would be OK, come what may”
I never knew you would lie to me
Took everything from inside of me
Your silhouette in the doorway
But before you walk away

Just say goodbye, look in my eyes
So that I always will remember
Frozen in time, always be mine
Baby boy you’ll be young forever
I’ll be over here, you’ll be over there
I’ma shed a tear but I really don’t care
Frozen in time, always be mine
Baby boy you’ll be young forever

I used to think that we’d reunite
I’d be your wife, in the real life
I thought that you’d come back for me
And you would take me away
I never knew only as a teen
You’d reappear, only in my dream
Your silhouette in the doorway
But before you walk away

Just say goodbye, look in my eyes
So that I always will remember
Frozen in time, always be mine
Baby boy you’ll be young forever
I’ll be over here, you’ll be over there
I’ma shed a tear but I really don’t care
Frozen in time, always be mine
Baby boy you’ll be young forever

This is my last cry
Is this the only way?
This is my own prison
I’m frozen in time, in time, in time

Don’t say goodbye, look in my eyes
So that I always will remember
Frozen in time, always be mine
Baby boy you’ll be young forever
I’ll be over here, you’ll be over there
I’ma shed a tear but I really don’t care
Frozen in time, always be mine
Baby boy you’ll be young forever

You’ll always be mine, frozen in time
Young forever (young forever)

True that!!

Mon, 02 Apr 2012 17:44:34 -0400

True that!!

~Missing~

Sat, 31 Mar 2012 19:22:56 -0400

As most of my friends know I don’t miss people, but lately I have being missing the people that meant so much to me. I’ve been thinking of all the past friends I’ve had and had great relationships with. Best friends that used to be there for me as well as I was for them, where are they now? How are they and are they doing?

This week I have had plenty of time to sit around and think of those recent people that have meant so much and have been there. People who now want nothing to do with me, for whatever reasons they may have. Well I miss them no matter what happened between us, we had a lot of good and bad times but nonetheless we were there for each other.

Today I was at my mom’s house and she started to ask about a recent person that I miss talking too. I know that maybe this is a good thing that he has shut me out, blocked me and wants nothing to do with me. Maybe this is what needs to happen so at one point we can become better friends. I don’t hate him or wish him any harm or unhappiness. He was and is a great person that I miss, I wish we could talk and be friends again but maybe this isn’t the time. None the less I cant help think about him and wish things could have been different, but sometimes in life things aren’t the way one wants them to be. How does one try to make everyone happy with out hurting someone else? Why don’t people understand that sometimes it hurts more being put in that situation, and all I am trying to do is make everyone happy?

You meant so much to me at one point, and still do and wish we could have stayed close friends, but things didn’t happen that way. I hope you are doing well and can find someone to make you happy. I never meant for things to go the way they did, maybe we just need time apart. Just know that I will always be here for you.

Photo

Fri, 30 Mar 2012 14:28:41 -0400

Photo

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 22:15:21 -0400

Video

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 22:08:47 -0400