True that!!
~Missing~
As most of my friends know I don’t miss people, but lately I have being missing the people that meant so much to me. I’ve been thinking of all the past friends I’ve had and had great relationships with. Best friends that used to be there for me as well as I was for them, where are they now? How are they and are they doing?
This week I have had plenty of time to sit around and think of those recent people that have meant so much and have been there. People who now want nothing to do with me, for whatever reasons they may have. Well I miss them no matter what happened between us, we had a lot of good and bad times but nonetheless we were there for each other.
Today I was at my mom’s house and she started to ask about a recent person that I miss talking too. I know that maybe this is a good thing that he has shut me out, blocked me and wants nothing to do with me. Maybe this is what needs to happen so at one point we can become better friends. I don’t hate him or wish him any harm or unhappiness. He was and is a great person that I miss, I wish we could talk and be friends again but maybe this isn’t the time. None the less I cant help think about him and wish things could have been different, but sometimes in life things aren’t the way one wants them to be. How does one try to make everyone happy with out hurting someone else? Why don’t people understand that sometimes it hurts more being put in that situation, and all I am trying to do is make everyone happy?
You meant so much to me at one point, and still do and wish we could have stayed close friends, but things didn’t happen that way. I hope you are doing well and can find someone to make you happy. I never meant for things to go the way they did, maybe we just need time apart. Just know that I will always be here for you.
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Seems like this year hasn’t gone the way I wanted, losing friends left and right. Friends that I thought were there for me and to support me in whatever decisions I made, but I guess if it doesn’t benefit them they out. But that’s ok argue with me over the way I choose to look, or because I’m not there when you want me too. You say I’ve changed because I’m dating someone, but that’s getting old. You say that every time I do, so what’s new? I’ll tell you nothing, you just want me around when you want, I’ve texted, called and invited to do something but you want to relax cuz you worked so much. That’s great that you want to relax but don’t say I don’t invite you to hang out.
You want to stay friends and that’s great I want nothing more, but you say if I keep pushing you away you won’t always be there. I’m not pushing you, I just have someone in my life that doesn’t believe in exs been friends. And that’s great and works for him, but that is not me, and I have explained that to both of you. Both has to understand that I am trying to make everyone happy, but that’s not always possible with out hurting someone, but the one person I don’t think about is me. Everyone says that all they want is for me to be happy, but yet everyone puts me in these situations that I have to choose or make decisions I choose not to, and I come out loosing either way.
I have been pushed past the braking point, and I am not trying to give up, I defend everyone from everyone. But it seems if you keep pushing me and constantly questioning me I’m gonna finally break. Last thing I want to is lose you as a friend, but if you can’t understand where I am coming from, ignoring me there is no point. Friends are suppose to be there for you no matter what, sometimes you have to suck it up and be there if you like the situation or not.
I’ve been there, someone I considered a friend dated someone I completely disapproved because I knew there were no good for them. But as a true friend I told him once how completely I felt about them, when they told me which I already knew and say myself, but sometimes easier said then done…. “I’m dating them, not you” Which is 100% true, and you know what I hated the guy, but I was civil around him and stood behind my friend, till he finally saw he light and they broke up. Now if it was a violent relationship that would be different but neither there’s or mine is that way.
So why can’t you be happy for me? Why can’t you just be there as I am for you? I don’t always talk to my family doesn’t mean I’m pushing them away or anything. I still love them and appreciate them for everything they do and for being there for me when I need them as I am for them.
Maybe our time has run out and that’s it, as sad that is over something we could an can work through, guess that’s the end. I wish everyone nothing but the best and hope everyone can find what ever makes them happy!!
There will be no fade out
This is not the end
I’m down now
But I’ll be standing tall again
Times are hard but
I was built tough
I’m gonna show you all what I’m made of
What Is Your Favorite Music Artist?
AnonymousI don’t really have a favorite artist per-say, I enjoy a range of music but if I had to choose one I would have to say that I love Adele. Her music speaks to me and no matter what kind of mood I am in her music helps.
~Adele~
When I watched the Grammy’s and saw that Adele won all 6 Grammy’s I was and am so happy that someone that worked really hard and deserves it won. I love how both of her CD’s can tell the life of a relationship with a few songs.
Sometimes sitting in the dark
Wishing you were here
Turns me crazy,
But it’s you who makes me lose my head.
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn’t do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love
To make you feel my love
I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I’m worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me a chance
To prove that I’m the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts
I’m tired of trying
Your teasing ain’t enough
Fed up of buying your time
When I don’t get nothing back
And for what, and for what, and for what
When I don’t get nothing back
Oi I’m tired
You say it’s all in my head
And the things I think just don’t make sense
So where you been then? Don’t go all coy
Don’t turn it round on me like it’s my fault
See I can see that look in your eyes
The one that shoots me each and every time
‘Cause there’s a side to you
That I never knew, never knew,
All the things you’d say,
They were never true, never true,
And the games you play
You would always win, always win.
The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can’t help feeling
We could have it all
This is how I feel the life of a relationship goes, tell me if I’m wrong? Thank you Adele for always having a song to help me through them crazy days.
~Sigh~
Don’t you wish sometimes you could take something back, erase a conversation or never have a conversation. Well, I wish I could take by time and undo or unlearn something today. Only because I don’t know how to take the information, I’m dumbfounded. How do I take this information and not let it affect things? Do I ignore it and continue going on with things?
UGH!! I’m so freaking confused and yet I’m not, if that makes any sense. I just wish things could go back to the way they were, why do I have to be this way? Why do I over think things and plan things out long term? Why can’t I just flow with things and let things happen when and if they gonna happen?
It’s 2:17am and no one to talk too…….and tomorrow I wont want to talk about it anymore. I just want to put that away and never have to revisit it, but how? i don’t know.
Sigh
~About Time~
It’s time for me to start letting go of the past and let it control me, even though it has made me the person I am I need to let it go. I’m never get the answers I need and deserve, and I understand that and beginning to be ok with that. So here it goes:
You were one of the two most important people in my live, one of whom was suppose to love me unconditional and protect me from any and all harm. Yet you were the one person that caused me the most harm and hurt, you beat me and belittled me. You would choke the living shit out of me and punched me just because you weren’t having a good day or I didn’t answer your question the way you wanted it answered. No the shirt is not yellow it’s blue and I’m not going to say its yellow because that’s what you want me to say, the shirt is blue and that’s that, it’s not the color you say it is because it’s not that color not because I am being stubborn or disobedient. I’m sorry I was never the person you wanted me to be growing up, but you were never the man I was supposed to look up to so I guess we are even. Now that it’s been years don’t try to come back into my life, you’ve had your chance when I gave you a second chance and what happen? You made promise you never intended to keep and never heard from you again. Then you wanna come back and start something new again? No it doesn’t work that way, I’ve been told because of the person you are I’m supposed to give you another chance and hear you out. Why, when all you are going to do is disappoint me again, all the lies and miss truths and broken promises and all the tears you put me threw are over. I am who I am because of you, the one thing you did manage to do for me was make me a stronger person, and even though I have had my moments of weakness I still come out of it with my head held high.
So this is for me and not for you: I forgive you for everything you put me threw and my family, I forgive you for beating me and kicking me when I was on the floor, I forgive you for choking me and making me feel useless, I forgive you for walking out on us and leaving us with nothing but each other, I forgive you for all this just make no mistake I forgive you I am not forgetting. You made us stronger, so the best thing you did for us was leave, thank you and have a great live DAD!
This chapter is now closed and I am going to move past it and try not to think of it twice. You have no more power over me!!!!
~Pondering~
I don’t know why I have become an emotional wreck lately, it’s like I’m wearing my feeling on my sleeve. This is not who I am, I haven’t been called a Bitch, or Cold Hearted, Asshole for nothing. Yet, this couple of months it seems that I feel so vulnerable. Why can’t things just be perfect. Why is it that when you think things are going great and things are going to be ok, it’s when everything falls apart.
Sometimes sitting at home, I feel so alone, so useless. I feel like I’ve just become a huge disappointment to myself and others, mostly me. Sometimes I feel like I wanna break down and cry, yet I don’t know why. I’m just so tired of feeling like I’m to blame for everything that doesn’t go right. I wasn’t the only one making promise we couldn’t keep.
Maybe things are better of the way they are, because the only thing I’m doing is hurting people. It seems that when something blows up and doesn’t go the way it’s suppose to that’s when everyone wants to put there input and bring me down, like I need any help with that.
I’m just so tired of feeling the way I do, I just want to be all around happy in every aspect of my life. Yet I know I am the only one that has control of this, I have to make myself happy and surround myself with people who want the best for me.
Maybe holding all my feelings back are starting to give in, pushing all that anger and hate in to a little black ball is starting to push back. I guess I need to learn to let go of all the anger and hate and stop holding everything in and deal with whatever comes along.
I also need to let go of the past and the people from it, things will work them selfs out if and when the time is right. If we were meant to be friends we will, if we weren’t well it was great knowing you hope you have a great life and wish you nothing but the best. Thank you for all you did, I miss you and will miss you!!!
Gonna try and close this chapter and start a new clean slate one.
What’s wrong with me??
I’m sitting outside Kroger crying, I feel like I’m failing at everything I do. Like I can’t do anything right. Like all I do is hurt people. Today after lunch I ran a stop sign not on purpose but didn’t care that a car was coming. I normally would have hit my break but I kept going like nothing.
Why do I feel this way? Why am I feeling like an emotional wreck…. It’s not me!
Who is this person?! And why I’d it taking over me!!!!
